You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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