I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
