4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
false alarm, still single
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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