Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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