When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize