her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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