Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
