I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
