There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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