I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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