Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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