brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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