why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
