gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
