So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize