I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
tell me about the eggs
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
