Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
