I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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