You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
