No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize