Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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