i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
