I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
