how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
