At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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