So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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