i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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