I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
