What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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