I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm both gender and math confused
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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