i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
