I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
