I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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