glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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