fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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