no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize