My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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