apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
