Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
