you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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