I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
