cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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