Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
