I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
