I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
