i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
