Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
