Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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