we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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