yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
