i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
