Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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