Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize