when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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