I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
