I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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