Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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