She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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