Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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