My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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