you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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