The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
