I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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