just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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