If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
