You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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