Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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